


Leather

by romanticalgirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 21:36:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1164803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 2000</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2000

Willow looked in the mirror, surveying herself. Not bad. Not great, but if she stopped hiding her assets so much, she had a pretty good figure.

She thought about the outfit she'd worn recently. She'd looked good in leather if Oz, Xander and Giles' reactions were anything to go by. Making a decision, she slipped on a pair of jeans and a plain white T-shirt. She glanced at the phone and thought about calling Oz. Shaking her head, she left her room and her house, her first destination clear in her mind.

*****  
Xander opened the door and smiled at Willow. He'd been shaken by how horribly empty his world had felt when he'd thought she was gone. She stood there, slightly breathless as though she'd been running. "Hey Will. What's up."

"I need your help."

A shock of excitement ran through him. Even if it was something small, she *needed * him. "At your service. What can I do for you?"

"I need a ride."

Okay. *That* didn't give him some visual imagery to work with. He reached for his coat and motioned to his Uncle's car. "Let's go."

He held the door open for her, but she didn't seem to notice. She seemed…preoccupied.

"Everything okay, Will?"

"Just fine. We need to go out of town. Maybe a ways. Is that all right?" Her green eyes met his and he nodded.

"Sure, where are we going? Or what are we looking for?"

"I'll know when I find it."

*****  
Xander rubbed his eyes with one hand. They'd been driving for hours, barely talking. Willow was lost in her thoughts, leaning against the car door with her feet tucked up under her. She scanned the streets as she guided him to a somewhat…active area.

His eyes widened. "Will?"

She pointed. "Park there."

He did as she asked, turning to her after shutting off the car. "Will? Are you sure this is the place we're looking for?" They were very obviously in an alternative lifestyle section of whatever city they were in. He'd driven through so many; he wasn't even sure where they were.

Willow looked at the storefronts, hoping she appeared much braver than she felt. Tattoo parlors, piercing shops, head shops, video stores…she finally saw what she wanted and got out of the car.

Xander scrambled out after her and hurried to catch up. He grabbed her hand. She smiled gratefully, knowing she'd made the right choice in asking Xander. Oz would humor her. Xander would…well, accept probably wasn't the right word, but he certainly wouldn't judge. "Where are we going, Will?"

Her eyes ventured to a couple leaning against a car, doing a fair imitation of copulation. She quickly looked away. Xander smiled and pulled her closer to him, putting his arm around her. He let his thoughts drift into forbidden territory for a moment, thinking that they made a good couple. Tonight especially. They were both in jeans and white T-shirts, although his was covered with a jacket. He looked over at her and tried in vain not to notice the sharp outline of her nipples against the fabric.

"Are you cold?"

She shook her head, pretending she didn't see where he was looking. Tonight felt too…alive to ruin it with an argument. "No. Invigorated."

Invigorated he could live with.

Willow tugged on his hand and pulled him into a lit doorway. She pushed the door open and stepped inside, inhaling the scent of incense and something else she was reluctant to identify. Xander's grip tightened on her hand as he looked around.

They were in a sex shop. Willow had brought him to a sex shop. She released his hand and walked along the walls of the store. Her eyes widened slightly at the sheer variety of products, not to mention the different sizes, shapes and…accoutrements.

"Will? Do I want to know what we're looking for?"

A tall, dark hairdo man stepped up to them. His hair hung down past the bottom of the short, leather skirt he was wearing. "Can I help you two find anything? Or did you want…" he gestured to the closed curtains that lined the back wall.

Willow cleared her throat. "Do you have clothes?"

"Clothes? Lingerie?"

"No…um, leather."

"Sure. Right up the stairs." He pointed the stairs out to them and walked away. "If you need help, holler. But holler loud, otherwise I might just mistake you for…" he again gestured to the curtains.

"Willow?" Xander's voice was a strangled whisper. "What are you doing?"

"I want to look." Her green eyes focused on him. "Please?"

Could he refuse her anything? He pulled her toward the stairs, leading the way up them. They came to the second floor and he gasped. The entire upstairs was filled with clothing of every shape and size. His eye automatically went to the small, silk bras and panties hanging from a metal waterfall. "I'm gonna go look around."

Willow smiled as he disappeared into his own private fantasy world. She certainly couldn't begrudge him his, as she was here to fulfill her own. She wound through the aisles, fingering some of the wares before she came to the leather section. She caught her breath.

Maybe vices weren't so bad.

There was a black leather bustier, similar to the one her doppelganger had worn and, of course, black leather pants. She touched the red silk that lined the breast cups and remembered the look both Xander and Giles had given her.

"Hey, look at those." She whispered with a slight laugh. Still, the similarity to a vampire was dangerous in Sunnydale. She moved on trying to find something a little more suited to her taste.

"I have just the thing." A short, orange-haired woman walked out from behind the counter. "Grab those." She pointed to a pair of pants hanging near Willow.

"Okay." She picked them up, following the woman as she grabbed items of the racks. She pushed Willow gently into a dressing room with the garments. "Try these two first."

Willow shut the curtain and stripped off her clothes. The pants were a little tight, but she found she kind of liked the sensation. She hooked the leather bra around her and slipped her arms into the straps. Pushing the curtain aside, she stepped out for the woman's opinion.

Xander stared. The short woman had come to get him, leading him over to one of the curtains. The offers of the guy downstairs worried him until Willow stepped out from behind it. "Willow…"

She blushed but managed not to cover herself. "You like it?"

"Like would be a very mild form of what I'm feeling." He shifted from foot to foot, trying to readjust his suddenly very prominent erection without her knowing.

She grinned and disappeared behind the curtain again. The sales clerk walked away and Xander quickly shifted himself. He stood there, trying to distract his mind from what was happening behind the curtain. Trying not to imagine the cool leather slipping away from her ivory skin and red silk panties. Not that he thought she was wearing red silk panties, he admitted. But he certainly wouldn't have minded if she were.

She stepped out again and this time he had to reach for something to support himself. This time she was clad in a leather skirt shorter than anything Buffy had ever worn. He raised his eyes to her chest and gulped. The red silk shirt was unbuttoned almost all the way and the leather bra was clearly visible. "What about this one?"

He squeaked.

She looked up at him quickly, reading his thoughts in his eyes. "I think I'll get them both."

He nodded vigorously.

"Do you think I should buy something to wear…underneath?"

This time, he couldn't even manage a squeak, simply an exhalation of air.

"What color do you like?"

"Uh."

Her green eyes were twinkling with laughter as she cast a quick glance down at the bulge in his jeans. His eyes were fixated on her breasts. She put her hands behind her back, allowing her chest to jut forward, pulling the silk further apart.

"Ah…"

"Red?"

"Uh."

"Black?"

Xander couldn't talk. He was barely making sounds. His breath was coming fast but none of it seemed to be getting to his brain. And all of the blood was headed south.

"I think red. It was always your favorite." Willow moved past him, the silk brushing his hand. She couldn't believe she was doing this. She couldn't believe that simply changing her clothes could give her so much more freedom. She couldn't believe she was flirting so openly with Xander. She couldn't believe she was torturing him.

He managed to gulp down some air. "Red. Red is good." He slipped his coat off in the exceptionally warm room.

"Why don't you look around for a leather jacket. I think you'd look sexy in one."

He tossed the denim jacket he'd been wearing into the dressing room and moved to the racks of leather. He handled several, looking for the perfect one, although he had to admit his attention was mostly devoted to the woman moving closer.

"Will?" He slipped one off the hanger and put it on. "What do you think of this one?"

The images that had flashed through her brain during Anya's spell returned as he modeled the jacket for her. "That one. Definitely."

He looked at the price tag and gulped. "Maybe not."

Her hand touched the lapel before it ran over his chest and down to his belt. "My treat. For the chauffeur."

"I can't let you…"

Her hand slid even lower, caressing him through the material of his jeans. "Yes. You can."

Xander closed his eyes and tried to control his body's response to her. He wanted nothing more than to move his hips and show her what she did to him. Struggling mightily, he pulled away. "Okay. You want to get them now?"

She nodded and disappeared into the dressing room. Gathering their things, she carried her regular clothes to the counter. "Can we wear these out?"

The sales clerk nodded and began removing tags. Willow paid with her father's credit card and took Xander's hand. "My birthday present."

"Your father's going to flip."

"My father's not going to know."

*****  
They moved down the street, their new clothes giving them a confidence they'd previously lacked, although Willow's eyes still grew wide as they looked into some of the establishments that lined the street. Xander stopped outside one store and tugged on her hand.

"What?"

"Come on. I went where you wanted to go. You have to return the favor." He opened the door for them and let her precede him inside. She shook her head.

"Xander, this is a tattoo place."

"We're both eighteen. Besides, I don't want a tattoo."

She looked over to the chair on the right side of the room where a girl was sitting, her breasts bared. The sharp needle pierced her flesh and she hissed. Willow's knees trembled. "I'm not doing that. I'm barely up to showing them. I'm not getting them pierced."

"Who said anything about you?" Xander grinned his impish grin.

"You?"

"Why not?" He untucked his shirt. "What do you think? Right or left?"

"Xander!"

"Or maybe my tongue?" He leaned closer until his lips were against her ear. "I hear that a tongue piercing can make…certain things much more pleasurable."

Willow's knees grew weak and she clung to him. "Tongue."

"Tongue it is." The object of discussion darted out and he licked the skin just beneath her earlobe. Her breathing sped up as he sucked the soft flesh.

"Can I help you two?"

Xander stepped away from her, although he didn't release his grip. "I'd like to get my tongue pierced."

"And for the lady?"

"Nothing for her."

Willow looked down at her outfit and shook her head. "I want a tattoo. A tribal dolphin. On my ankle?"

Xander grinned wolfishly. "Whatever the lady wants."

*****  
"What do you think?" Willow lifted her leg to show off the boot. Xander managed not to notice the shoe at all as her posture gave him a perfect view of exactly what color her panties were. Oh, Gods. They were red.

"I think you should stay like that for the rest of my life."

"The shoes, Xander."

"Very nice." The boots went up to her mid calf and highlighted the long legs that had made her seem so gangly in fifth grade. Gangly was not an adjective that described her any more. "Another birthday present?"

"Yep. Dad said I could spend as much as I liked."

"I'm going to guess he doesn't expect you to come home with more leather than most cows have and a tattoo."

"Not to mention a best friend with a pierced tongue?"

"I don't plan on mentioning that to your father." He watched her walk in the boots, seeing how they felt. He let his gaze travel up her smooth skin until it reached the bottom of the skirt. His cock was so hard it was painful. He hadn't quite figured out how he planned on getting them home.

The only thing he knew was that he couldn't be in a car next to her in that outfit without pulling over to the side of the road and taking her.

He looked up, embarrassed. Willow's dark gaze burned into him and she walked closer, until there was barely an inch separating them. "Xander?"

"Yeah, Will?"

"You want to try out that piercing?"

It took all of Xander's self control not to explode right there. As it was, he barely managed. "Willow, if you're not careful, we're going to have to buy me some new clothes."

"You didn't answer my question."

Xander took a deep breath and pulled her against him. His lips found hers and his tongue pushed past her lips. It was still sensitive, but the taste of her was too intoxicating not to press the advantage. He sucked on her tongue, running the hard knob of the pole against her. She shivered in response, sliding one of her legs between both of his.

He pulled away from her, his entire body shaking. "Willow…we need to stop."

She nodded and picked up their packages. She paid for the shoes at the counter and led the way back to the car. He walked behind her, cursing his conscience. They were both so wound up, he could have taken her in the store. Her ass swayed slightly as she walked and he realized again what a gorgeous woman Willow had grown up to be.

She turned as if she felt his eyes on her. "I want to put these in the trunk and look some more. Is that all right?"

"Do you promise to behave?"

"Depends on your definition." She waited patiently as he unlocked the car. She dropped the bags inside and started back to the first store they'd been in.

"Why are we headed back here?"

Her smile was predatory. "You're going to need some new clothes."

*****  
Xander stood in one of the downstairs dressing room and tried not to look around. This was obviously not your average, everyday dressing room. There were hooks for hangers, but there were also hooks in the ceiling. The floor was a soft, plush carpet and there was hardly any light. He sat tentatively on the long bench that was wider than one would think was necessary.

Willow opened the curtain and handed him a pair of leather pants. "Go ahead."

"You're…"

"Not going anywhere." She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms in front of her. Xander stood and slowly began unbuttoning the fly of his jeans. Her gaze was intense, burning. He managed all the buttons and slipped the denim to the floor. She took in the blue sports briefs. "Nice. Take them off?"

"Willow…"

"Leather is supposed to feel good against your skin, Xander. I have a feeling that those are just going to get in the way."

"But you're…"

"Will it help if I close my eyes?"

"Yes."

"Xander," she sighed, despite her smile. "I don't think you're getting it. I'm not going away. I'm not closing my eyes. I'm not going to do anything until you strip off those briefs."

He swallowed hard. "What are you going to do then?"

"I'm going to walk across this room and take advantage of you. And when I'm done, I'm going to watch you put on that leather so that I can rub you the entire way home."

"That's a five hour drive."

"I have a feeling it will last longer than that."

Concern marred his features. "You do know what you're doing, don't you Willow? This isn't some sort of spell or anything, is it?"

"Meeting…me, like that, made me think. I don't want to be evil, Xander. But, I wouldn't…" the voice of the other Willow rang in her ears 'Wanna be bad?' "I wouldn't mind being a little bad."

Xander had never wanted a woman more in his life. His erection strained forward against his briefs. "Wills, if you want this night to last longer than about twenty seconds, then you're really going to have to stop saying things like that."

She strode forwards, her body smooth and feline. He was briefly reminded of Buffy on the hunt, but that image flew out of his mind as her hand reached down to touch the small wet spot on the front of his briefs. "Xander, you're eighteen. Honey, if once a night is all you can manage, tell me now?"

Willow ran her hand up his crotch before slipping it underneath the waistband of his briefs. She pulled the material down, freeing his throbbing erection. Xander was glad he was close to the wall, as he fell back against it when her hand finally touched him.

She'd dreamed about this for years. She watched her hand move, stroking the skin of his cock. The feel of it reminded her of the saying 'a fist in a velvet glove'. "You're so hard."

Xander whimpered. Her hand was warm against him and the stroking was so tentative, so…childlike that the only thought he could process was that she'd obviously never done this before. And that was all he needed to push him over the edge.

Fascination filled her eyes as he exploded all over her hand. His whole body was trembling as he braced himself against the wall of the dressing room. She kept her hand moving until he reached down to stop her when the sensation got to be too much. "Xander?"

"Will, I'm sorry. I've had a raging hard-on since you walked into the leather section about three hours ago. And the thought that…"

"What thought?"

"That this is the first time you've done this…well, it's a little overwhelming."

"It is?"

He nodded. She grinned and slowly sank to her knees. Xander struggled to breathe as her mouth moved closer to him.

Willow pressed her lips to the tip of his cock. "Is this overwhelming too?"

He shuddered as her hot mouth took him inside her. His knees were weak and he really needed to sit down. Or lie down. "That's…" he squeaked. Clearing his throat to try and find his normal voice, he tried again. "That's the most wonderful thing you can possibly do with your mouth."

The taste of him was different than she expected. She'd heard all the horror stories in the girl's locker room, but Xander tasted…not bad. A little salty, a little soapy. She licked him clean before pulling back. Her observation of him delighted her. He was already starting to get hard again. He was also starting to slip down the wall.

"Want to lie down?" She helped him over to the bench after sliding his briefs completely off of him. He lay on the cushioned bench, staring at her. Willow slowly unbuttoned the two fasteners holding the silk shirt on her. Tossing it onto a small table in the corner of the room, she smiled at him. "Like what you see?"

Xander laughed huskily. The tiniest glint of silver showed when he laughed and his earlier comments came back to her.

"So, what exactly is that piercing supposed to make more pleasurable?"

"Take off those silk panties and I'll show you." Xander propped himself up on his elbows and smiled at her. "Or would you rather I took them off you?"

"What do you want me to do?"

He got off the bench and took her hand. Leading her over to it, he lay her down. His hand slipped between her knees and spread them apart, the fact that the bench was larger than it normally would have been finally making sense. Xander knelt between her legs and slid his hands up her thighs. "Relax. Let me repay you for all the presents you've gotten me."

*He has no idea.* Willow giggled silently at the thought. But all thoughts stopped as his long, lean fingers stroked the wet material between her legs.

"Maybe I'm not the only one who's been enjoying our night so far?" He smiled and gently slid the silk off of her. Lifting the fabric up, he inhaled her scent. "Oh Willow, do you think you taste as good?"

Her eyes were closed, but she smiled. "Only one way to find out."

Xander grinned and lay on the bench. He took a deep breath before darting his tongue out to lick her. He barely touched the warm wetness with the tip, but her body responded. She wiggled forward so that she was closer to him. He moved his fingers up to part the soft red lips of her sex before pressing his tongue against her clitoris.

The metal, though warmed by his mouth, felt cool and foreign to Willow. The hardness complimented the smoothness of his tongue. He licked and sucked the hard nub, reveling in her body's reaction. She bucked her hips, writhed against him, and moaned softly. He continued the pressure, occasionally sliding his tongue down into her slick, wet passage.

Her body shook with tremors as he nipped lightly at the swollen bud. She trembled with the force of her orgasm, her juices flowing smoothly onto his tongue. He lapped at the sensitive lips, eager to taste every drop. His hands moved under the firm globes of her ass, raising her slightly so that he could have better access to her dripping pussy.

Willow arched her back, a second explosion coming close on the heels of the first. Xander's hands massaged her, his pinkie whispering over her anus. Her breath came out in a shuddering gasp. Raising an eyebrow, Xander slid his finger inside the tight channel of her vagina. The muscles clamped around him and he imagined what it would feel like to have his cock buried inside her.

He was thrusting against the bench; his body as aroused as it had been earlier. Her willingness to accept him was like an aphrodisiac. He wondered briefly how far she was willing to let him go. His wet finger slipped back and rubbed against her anus again. She tightened her muscles then relaxed as he blew a warm breath inside her pussy. Moving his tongue and finger in unison, he filled both orifices at once.

Willow screamed as her orgasm bathed Xander's face. He licked her, not an easy thing to do around his self-satisfied smirk. His finger still moved inside her and he gave up trying not to smile. Her body was bucking against his hand as he easily slid two fingers inside her slick pussy and began fucking her quickly.

"Xa…Xa…" she breathed as she came yet again. She had kept her knees bent so that he could access all of her easily, but now she lay completely flat. He disengaged himself from her gently, struggling to sit up so that he could stare at her. Willow could barely move, much less open her eyes. Her breathing slowed finally and she sighed. "Oh, Xander. That was…wonderful."

He moved forward and knelt between her legs, his hard cock poised at her opening. "Did you want to stop? Have you had enough?"

She managed to look at him. "No."

He smiled and thrust his hips. He yelped as he felt resistance. "Willow…"

"Did you expect anything else?"

He lay still for a moment before laughing. "No, I guess I didn't." He leaned forward to kiss her before pushing past the barrier. She couldn't decide where she liked the metal pole better, in her mouth or between another set of lips.

Xander was in heaven. The walls of her sex were wet with their frenzied activity and she was every bit as tight as he had imagined she'd be. He moved slowly at first, allowing both of them to get used to the feel of what they were doing. He gazed down at her, his eyes full of love and lust. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Giving me this." He kissed her again, this time chastely, which caused them both to smile.

"Only you would give me a kiss like that while we were…" Willow blushed and wrapped her legs around his knees. "…fucking."

"No Wills, not fucking." He gathered her in his arms so that their bodies were pressed together, only their hips moving. "It's much more than fucking."

She met his thrusts with her own, increasing their pace. He released her and braced his arms on the bench. He grinned his typical self-deprecating grin and she reached up to touch it. As her fingers touched his lips, his tongue darted out and licked them.

His hips were grinding against her after every downward thrust, his eyes closed, his breath coming fast and hard. Feeling his own muscles tightening, he sped up, their pelvises pounding together rapidly. Finally, Xander pressed against her and held himself there as his consciousness shattered.

He felt himself fill her, felt her muscles milk his cock for every drop of orgasm. Lowering himself onto one elbow, he slid his hand between them, finding her slippery clit with his fingers. He began thrusting again, playing with her core until she cried out and came all around him.

*****  
Xander wrapped her in his hug and held her to his chest. His breath was warm against her ear. "I love you, Willow."

"I love you too, Xander." She smiled and kissed him before pushing him away. She got up, aware of his eyes still devouring her. She bent over to open the small door on the table her shirt rested on. Pulling out two towels, she tossed one to him.

"How did you…?"

"I had to pay for your pants. And the room." She shrugged. "Clean up. I still need to see how you look in those pants."

"Willow, you've spent enough tonight. You don't have to buy me these. Besides, where am I going to wear them? I can just see the looks we'll get when we walk into the Bronze."

"You can wear them for me."

Xander looked up at her, his eyes reflecting his smile. "Can I?" He stood and slipped the leather on his sweat-covered skin. The material stuck to him, but felt wonderful. "When?"

She slid the skirt back on. Picking up the silk panties, she shrugged and tucked them into the pocket of Xander's jacket. "Whenever I want you?"

A tight feeling crept into his chest. "And how often do you think that will be?"

She strode forward, her bared breasts swaying slightly. She wrapped her arms and one leg around him. Lifting herself a little, she pressed the still hot flesh of her sex against his open fly. "How often do you think you'll be up to it?"

Xander smiled and captured her in a kiss. She finally pulled back, gasping for air. "Are you up for the drive home?"

He enclosed his cock in the leather and felt it harden at the sensation. "Yeah. You could say that."


	2. Regrets

Xander started the car, glancing quickly over at Willow as he did so. She was staring back at him, her green eyes troubled. He felt fear like a fist around his heart. "Is everything okay, Wills?"

"I was just thinking, it's a five hour drive, at least. Maybe it would be better if we stopped somewhere. I mean, even if we leave now, we're not going to get home until early in the morning. Are you going to be able to stay awake?"

"You want us to stop and stay at a hotel?"

"I think it would be the smart thing to do." She smiled and he was amazed at the contradiction. Her body was like a sex goddess; her face was the sweet girl he'd grown up with. Willow had become decidedly unpredictable.

"All right, Willow. You're the boss." He pulled out onto the street and started driving. It was almost like leaving a dream world as they got out onto the freeway and left the decadence behind. In the harsh light of the moon and the streetlights, they looked very much like children again. "Anyplace in particular?"

She pointed to a sign by the side of the road. "There's one that's not too expensive." At his look, she laughed. "I think I've spent enough of Dad's money tonight. I can budget when necessary."

He smiled in response and turned on the blinker. When they reached the hotel, he looked down at their attire. "Would you rent a room to us?"

"We do look a little…"

"Willow, we look a lot. You look like you've been…fucked senseless." He blushed at the word but kept speaking. "And I'm in leather pants. I feel like Angel."

She giggled and he was again reminded of the incongruity of her outfit and the personality she showed the world. "Well, who would a motel manager trust more than a 242 year old vampire. Why don't you go in? I'll wait here."

"No way, Wills. It may not be Sunnydale, but its night and there's no top on this car. You're coming with me."

"Xander, I look kind of like…"

"Faith," they both said at once.

"Well, who would a nice motel manager expect to sleep in a dive like this?" Xander opened his door. "Come on. We'll fit right in."

*****  
After minimal haggling, they climbed back in the car, key securely in hand. "He gave us the room in the back just out of spite," Xander pouted.

"He just didn't like the fact that you wouldn't share me. Thanks, by the way."

"Hey, you're my Willow. I don't share you with anybody." His smile faded. Wait. He did. "I mean…I mean, except Oz."

Suddenly the fun seemed to slip away into the cool night air. Willow nodded. "Right. Except Oz." She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him. "We should get to the room. It's getting cold, and this outfit isn't exactly the warmest thing."

"I'm guessing that would be the Eskimo costume?" Xander wanted to kick himself. Good going Harris. Bring up Oz again. He clearly remembered every time Willow had told him the story of how Oz had said he noticed her that night. The night of the dance. The night of Impata. The night Xander Harris once again ignored the beautiful woman who was his best friend.

"Yeah." Tear filled Willow's eyes. Damn him. Why did he have to bring the real world into this fantasy? She'd wanted one night of freedom. She wanted one night of not having to be Willow - the responsible one, the knowledgeable one, the one who always did the right thing. And he'd given her that, for a while. But apparently the respite was over.

Xander parked outside their room. He climbed out of the car and gathered their packages from the trunk. He slammed it shut and stared at the back of her head. She was trying not to cry. He could tell just from the look of her. He knew her so well. Too well.

He moved over to her side and opened the car door. "Your castle, my lady."

She sniffed and managed a weak smile. "Thanks, Xander."

They made their way to the room and Xander slipped the key in the lock. "Wills…"

"I just want to go in now, Xander. Okay?"

"Okay." He turned the lock and they entered the room. Despite its age, it wasn't as bad as he'd expected. There was, however, very obviously only one bed. Funny how he was worried about sleeping next to her after what had happened between them tonight.

Willow shut the door behind them. She clutched her hands behind her back. She didn't know what to do or say. Well, she knew some of what she wanted to do, but it certainly didn't fit in with the mood they were suddenly in. What had happened?

Oh yeah. Oz. And Faith. Although they'd both brought up Faith. He'd brought up Oz.

She reached out a hand and touched his shoulder. Xander turned quickly, dropping the bags at his feet. His chocolate brown eyes searched hers, looking for answers she didn't have. "Willow?"

"Xander?" Tears slipped down her cheek as she lost the will to hold them back. He gathered her in his arms and held her tightly.

Sobs shook her body. She tried to fight the tears, but found she didn't have the strength. She raised her face from the shoulder she'd buried it against to look up at him. Concern marred his features. His hand lifted of it's own volition, stroking her tears away.

"Willow, please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry. I especially can't stand it when I'm the reason you cry." He didn't add that it was even worse when he wasn't sure exactly what he'd done. "I'm sorry about tonight, Willow."

She pulled away from him. "You are?"

"Not that way…" he began, but he knew it was too late. She'd withdrawn from his arms and wrapped her own around herself. "Willow…"

"I don't want to talk about it, Xander. I get it." She laughed bitterly. "I got it and now I get it. I guess you were taking lessons from Faith after all."

He flinched as though she'd slapped him. "That's not fair."

"Yeah, Xander. I know all about what's fair and what's not. Was it fair that I loved you forever and you had absolutely no clue? Was it fair that as soon as I was in a stable relationship you had to decide it was time to notice me?"

"Don't try to blame all of this on me, Willow. You're the one who invited me on this little road trip. You're the one who wanted to play dress up with someone other than your boyfriend. You're the one who came to me."

"And that was apparently a huge mistake, wasn't it?"

Xander bit the inside of his lips to control his hurt and anger. "I'm going to take a shower and get out of these pants. Suddenly leather has lost its appeal."

*****  
Willow threw herself back onto the bed. Damn it. Everything had gone so well, only to fall apart the minute they got back to the real world. Wasn't that just typical of them? In the secret haven of her bedroom or the library or the Factory or the leather shops of the world, she and Xander could exist. In the harsh light of the day, they didn't work. They'd never work.

She glared at the ceiling. But, if she was honest with herself, what she'd done tonight had effectively ruined what she had in the harsh light of day. Oz would know that she wasn't a virgin. And he'd know that there was only one other man she'd be willing to give her virginity to.

Had she done it on purpose? Had she done it hoping that Xander would know what it meant? Not that it mattered now. Xander was in the bathroom washing the night away. Washing away the sweat and semen, sending the evidence of their indiscretion down the drain along with his hopes and dreams. Her hopes and dreams as well.

"Rosenberg, you managed to really, really fuck this up."

*****  
Xander stared at himself in the mirror, cursing softly. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he repeated over and over. He vaguely remembered the warm feeling he'd gotten earlier in the day when she'd said she needed him. If he'd been smart, he'd have asked what exactly she needed him for.

He loved her. He'd loved her forever, even when he was too stupid to realize that's what the feeling was. And now she was sitting on the other side of the flimsy door thinking that *he* thought she was some sort of slut who had planned his downfall.

He really had to stop going for women in leather. They were trouble.

He unzipped the leather pants and struggled out of them. "Okay, note to self," he whispered, "Never put leather on while still sweaty." He picked them up off the floor and draped them over the toilet seat. Pulling off his T-shirt, he stared at himself in the mirror. "You're a jerk, Harris. Go out there and apologize to her."

He stuck his tongue out at his image, shaking his head at the piercing. What the hell had gotten into them tonight?

He shrugged, cast a quick glance at the door, and climbed into the shower.

*****  
Willow looked over at the bathroom door and sighed. She should go in there and apologize to him. She heard the water start and sank back onto the bed. No. This was better. Better for them both. She knew it.

She just didn't believe it.

*****  
Xander stepped out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. "You can have it now."

She brushed past him without a word, carrying her clothes in her hands.

He waited until he heard the door shut before ripping off the towel and throwing it angrily at the wall. Digging in the shopping bags, he pulled out his briefs and put them on. His T-shirt was not the cleanest thing and, since he had to wear in when he woke up, he wasn't about to sleep in it.

The king-size bed looked small. How the hell were they supposed to sleep next to each other all night when they could barely managed to talk? He pulled the covers back, throwing the bedspread to the floor. He managed a smile, realizing he was getting the bed the way she'd liked it when they were children. He looked over at the leather pants he'd thrown in one of the bags.

They weren't children anymore. He didn't know what they were.

*****  
Willow slipped on her T-shirt and a new pair of panties. She sighed and ran her fingers through her wet hair. This night had gone from the best night of her life to one of the worst. She had to go out there and sleep next to the man she loved. She had to go out there and sleep next to the man she hated. She had to go out there. Badly. Because it was freezing in the bathroom and that's where all the covers were.

She opened the door and walked out to the bed. Dropping the leather skirt, bra and silk overshirt onto the chair, she sat on the edge of the bed. The main bedspread had been thrown to the floor and Xander was curled up on the opposite side, blankets tucked around him.

"Xander?" she whispered.

He didn't answer. She wondered if he was actually sleeping or if he was pretending so that he wouldn't have to talk to her.

"I just wanted to apologize. I don't blame you. At least, no more than I blame myself." She looked down at her hands, missing the look he gave her over his shoulder. "I wish this were easy, Xander. I really do. I don't know what's right. And I don't know if what's right is really what I should do."

The temptation was almost overwhelming. He wanted to hold her and let her know that all was forgiven. He wanted to make sure that she realized nothing would ever change the way he felt about her.

"Oz loves me, Xander. For all the right reasons. And, no matter what we feel about each other, I can't help but think it's for all the wrong reasons. Why else would we have to disguise ourselves from each other? I mean, first a tux and a dress, then a cowful of leather." She reached out a tentative hand and touched the wet tendrils of hair that clung to his ear. "I wish it were different, but I think we both have to accept that, no matter how much we want each other, it's not…" she broke off, tears causing her voice to grow huskier. Finally, with nothing more than a whisper, she managed the rest. "I love you, Xander."

Willow got off the bed and gathered the bedspread from the floor. Wrapping it around her, she sat in the chair by the window and stared out at the moon. It was almost full.

*****  
Xander watched her head droop forward as she finally fell asleep. He'd watched her cry, unsure of what to do. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew that he couldn't. She'd stopped believing he could be the man she needed him to be, and he didn't know of a way he could convince her otherwise.

Slipping out from under the covers, he walked over to the chair and picked her up. He carried her slim form to the bed and tucked her under the covers. He brushed the damp hair back, staring down at the face that haunted his dreams. "I love you too, Wills."

*****  
Bright sunlight filled the room as the morning dawned with a vengeance. Xander groaned and covered his eyes. His tongue felt like it had grown to the size of a hamster. A warm hand shook him lightly. "Go 'way Mom. No school."

"Xander."

"Wha…?"

"Xander." Willow shoved him a little. "Wake up. It's six. We need to head home."

He opened one eye cautiously. "Wow, Mom. You look a lot like Willow."

"Xander."

He grinned and winced. "Ow."

"Ow?"

"My tongue. Remind me not to do that again."

"What? Pierce it or grin?"

"Either. Or both. I'm not sure which one hurts more." He opened the other eye and stared up at her. She looked like an angel with the sunlight surrounding her. "You look beautiful, Willow. I could get used to waking up to you." He regretted the words as soon as they left him. "I'm sorry, Wills. I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean to make things awkward…er."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I got so weirded out last night." She lay back down and faced him. They were just inches apart. "Are we gonna be okay, Xander? Friends, like we used to be? Or did last night just mess everything up?"

"I don't think it messed everything up, Willow. But it changed some things. I just don't quite know how yet."

"I guess that's fair enough." She smiled weakly. "I need us to be friends. At least a little bit."

"We're always gonna be friends, Willow. I mean, come on. Look how long you've put up with me. You going to let all that hard work go to waste?"

"I guess not." She got out of the bed quickly, before she gave in to the temptation to kiss him. "I'll get dressed first."

"Hey, Wills?"

"Yes?"

"Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Don't wear the leather?"


	3. Resolutions

Willow tucked the two boxes under her bed next to her box of crosses, holy water and stakes. Thank goodness her parents never felt the need to snoop in her room. Drugs and bondage paraphernalia would be easier to explain to her parents than religious symbols.

She pulled the larger box out again and lifted the lid slightly. What had possessed her? The dark leather smelled inviting and she lifted the short skirt out of the box. It smelled just like leather and slightly like Xander.

Xander.

She shoved the material back inside and pushed it under her bed. She didn't want to think about Xander anymore. She didn't want to think about all the things they did and said. She didn't want to think about loving him. She didn't want to think about how it felt to have him inside her.

She leaned against the bed with a sigh. Well, maybe she wanted to think about that. She heard her mother's voice coming from downstairs and got to her feet.

"Willow? Are you ready for school? Bunny's here."

"I'll be right down, Mom."

***  
Xander stuck his tongue out at himself and surveyed the piercing. It wasn't so bad. He could hardly tell it was there when he talked unless he looked for it. Besides, he kind of thought it suited him. He shrugged on his new leather jacket and turned from side to side.

"Pretty stylin', Harris."

His smiled faded. He took off the jacket and tossed it onto his bed. Picking up a long sleeved patterned shirt, he slipped it on over his T-shirt and sighed. He couldn't wear that jacket. All it would do is serve to remind him of being in Willow's arms right before everything fell apart. They hadn't spoken since they'd gotten home yesterday afternoon and he was so not looking forward to seeing her at school.

"Face it, Harris. You fucked your best friend and in doing so fucked any chance you'll ever have with her. She's probably hidden all that stuff away and is trying hard to pretend it never happened."

***  
"So, what did you do this weekend?" Buffy asked. "I tried calling, but it seemed like both you and the Xand-man were out of reach."

"I went out of town. I was having some trouble dealing with the vampire me thing and wanted to get away." Willow shrugged. "Xander gave me a ride and picked me up, but other than that I don't know where he was."

They'd decided before reaching home that there was no sense in lying unless they had to. Which meant the trip itself was okay, but everything that had happened during it was off limits.

Buffy grinned. "Okay. We'll have to give him the third degree when we see him. Find out what sort of trouble he got up to while he was waiting to play chauffeur." She walked up to Xander's door and knocked. Waiting for him to answer, she turned back to Willow. "Can you help me think of some good interrogation techniques?"

Xander pulled the door open. He smiled. "Hey Buffy. Hey…Wills."

"Hey Xander." Buffy laced her arm through his and guided him down the steps. They started off to school, Buffy walking between the two best friends. "So, what did you do this weekend while you waited for Wills to need a ride?"

Xander coughed nervously. "Nothing."

Buffy sighed. "Obviously not a good weekend in the Slayerette camp." She smiled at them both as they reached the school. "I promised Giles I'd be a good little Slayer and check in before school. I'll see you guys later?"

"Sure thing, Buff." They watched her walk away in silence. Xander glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, "How are you this morning?"

"Fine."

"Willow…"

"Hey baby. Hey Xander." Oz walked up and looped his arm around Willow's shoulders. "Did everyone have a nice weekend?" He smiled at his girlfriend. "How's your aunt?"

"My aunt?"

"Your mom said you went to see your aunt." He frowned. "Didn't you?"

"Oh, sorry. Mom didn't tell me you called. I was trying to figure out how you knew." She giggled. "She's fine."

"Great. Walk you to class?"

Xander watched them leave with a heavy heart. "Good thing you got your kicks this weekend, Harris. Because from the looks of things, you're never going near her again."

***  
Oz took Willow's hand as they walked toward the library. "Are you okay, baby? You seem a little distant."

"Oz? Can I ask you something?"

He nodded, leading her into a deserted classroom. "You can ask me anything, Willow. You should know that."

"Do you love me?" Her green eyes sparkled in the dim light of the classroom. "I mean, really?"

"Why do you ask?" He sat on the edge of the desk.

She sat down opposite him and leaned on the desk. "I was thinking a lot about love this weekend. What it is, what it means."

"Who you love?" He nodded. "Should I wonder if the question you really want to ask is if you love me?"

"I do. I mean, I do love you, Oz."

He stood and walked to the window. "You love me, but you still love him. You spent the weekend with him, didn't you?"

"It's not like you think." Willow blushed; realizing it probably was exactly what he thought. "Xander drove me, when I left. And he gave me a ride home."

"You were gone two days, Will. What did he do all that time he wasn't driving?" His voice stayed calm, although she could hear the edge of anger in it. "Why? That's all I'm wondering? He treats you horribly, he hurts you. Yet you're so in love with him, you can't even see anything else."

"That's not true!"

"Which part, Willow? Tell me, honestly, did you ever once look at me and not compare me to Xander in some way? Either I'm better than him or I'm not him, but I was never just me, was I?" He brushed off the hand she reached out to him. "You're welcome to him. I can't do this anymore." He stopped at the door, staring out into the hallway. "You want an answer, Willow? Yes. I love you. But it's never going to do either of us any good. Because he owns you. Not because he wants to, but because you want him to so badly."

***  
Xander slouched down in his chair in the library, watching Buffy practice. She paused for a moment, giving the dummy a rest. "You want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Why you're Mr. Mopey Guy." She sat on the table in front of him and took a sip of her water. "Why I'm sitting here in front of you in a tight shirt and shorts and you haven't made one comment."

"I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"Nothing. I'm just having thoughts. I'm allowed." He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Xander? Aren't we best friends? Can't you tell me?"

He sighed and buried his face in his hands. "I did a really, really stupid thing this weekend, Buffy."

"What did you do?"

"I fell in love." He sighed. "Well, I guess that's not true. I've been in love for a long time, but it's not going to do me any good. Because even though we shared…" Looking up, horrified, Xander realized how much he'd said.

"What did you and Willow do this weekend, Xander?" Buffy's eyes were wide. "You didn't…?" When he didn't answer, she laughed softly. "Oh God. What about Oz?"

Xander shoved his chair back, losing his temper. "Why Oz? Why not what about Xander? What about Willow? What about my lifelong friendship that's gone now? What about all those things? I don't care what he thinks. He's never going to know, anyway. Because Willow wants to pretend it never happened."

"What do you want?"

Tears welled up in his eyes. "I want her. I want her all to myself."

"You don't think you've already had your chance and blown it?" Buffy held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "I'm not on anybody's side here, Xander. I'm just trying to help my friends. Have you thought about the fact that maybe, just maybe, she's really happy with Oz?"

"If she's so happy with him, why did she ask me to go with her, Buffy? If everything is so good, why was it me she spent the weekend with? If it's all so perfect, why was I the one she gave her…her virginity to?"

"It was just a thought. But Xander, maybe she was just…I'm not good at this," she sighed. "She loved you all her life. Maybe, in order to move on, she needed to have that last thing. She spent her life thinking you would be her first kiss, her first lover. Maybe she needed you to be that so that she could move on?"

"Thanks. You're really cheering me up."

"I'm not saying that's the truth, Xander. Just suggesting that maybe it's not the same for both of you." She took his hand and pulled him down onto the table next to her. "Have you guys talked or did you just…"

"We talked. It was decidedly not good. She thinks that the only way I can see her is if she's not herself."

"What do you mean?"

Xander licked his lips, "Well, we went shopping and she picked up a few things, like a new outfit."

Buffy stared at him. More specifically, she stared at his lips. "You pierced your tongue? What the hell kind of outfit did she buy?"

"Leather." He mumbled.

"Leather." Buffy nodded. "Like the vampire Willow wore?"

"Sort of. Only more skirtier and much shorter. And less coverage on the rest of the skin parts. She wasn't wearing much, Buffy. And she looked amazing."

"So speaks your hormones."

"It wasn't." He shook his head vehemently. "It wasn't just my hormones. Because I felt the exact same way when she showed up at my house in jeans and a T-shirt. It's Willow." He straightened as the library doors swung open. "It's Willow. Hi Willow."

"Hey guys. What's going on?" She sank into her chair and tried to smile. "Practice?"

"Yeah. I was just taking a break. And Xander was just leaving. Weren't you?"

"I was? I was. I have…stuff to do. Lots of it." He left the library, giving the two girls time alone.

***  
"So, what did Xander tell you? And don't say nothing, because he looked guilty as humanly possible when I walked in." Willow rested her chin on her hand. "He told you about shopping?"

"I saw his tongue."

"Did he tell you about what we bought?"

"And what you did, Willow." Buffy tilted her head. "Why?"

"I wanted to? I don't know. I didn't think about it too much. I just did it before I was too afraid to."

"And so what does this mean?"

"We had a fight afterwards. He said he was sorry it happened."

"I'm sure that's not what he meant," Buffy slid off the table and sat in the chair next to Willow. "I'm sure that he was sorry for something else."

"No. He apologized. He said 'I'm sorry about tonight, Willow.' It wasn't something I could easily misunderstand."

The Slayer nodded. "I understand. I know what it's like to have the guy seem totally different afterwards. You have the benefit of the fact that Xander didn't suck someone's blood after he had sex with you. But, maybe couldn't you be blowing it out of proportion?"

"No."

"I'm sorry if your first time wasn't what you wanted it to be, Willow."

"It was everything I wanted Buffy. He was sweet and loving. The problem was that it wasn't me. Because if it was me, he wouldn't have looked twice." She sighed. "And so now I'm alone, just like I was before. Only worse."

"You're not alone. What about Oz?"

"Oz and I aren't together anymore. He thinks that I'm in love with Xander."

"Are you?"

"What good would it do? He's never going to notice Willow Rosenberg. He notices Willow dressed for homecoming or Willow in leather. He doesn't notice Willow who lives down the street and has for his whole life. He doesn't notice her and he doesn't want her." She stood and picked up her backpack. "But she's who I am."

***  
"Come on, Willow. You promised you'd help me patrol." Buffy tugged on her friend's hand.

"If we're patrolling, why aren't we at the graveyard like a good little Slayer and Slayerette? Why are we headed for Angel's mansion?"

"I left something there. And I have to get it."

"I have a lot of stuff to do, Buffy."

"Oh yeah. Like mope and pout and cry?"

"I haven't been crying." She stuck her tongue out. "So there."

The sight of her tongue reminded Buffy of her earlier conversation with Xander. "Hey, so let me ask you a question. Is it true what they say about tongue piercings? Do they really make a big difference?"

"Well, let me speak from my vast experience with men and say, I have no idea. Although," she giggled softly, "It did feel…good."

"Good?"

"In an amazing sort of way."

Buffy joined her laughter. "Was it worth it? All this stuff now?"

"I've loved Xander as long as I can remember, Buffy. I won't ever regret sharing that with him." She shrugged. "I think memories are better than nothing, don't you?"

"Well, as someone who's going to have to live on memories all her life, I'm going to say yes." She hooked her arm through Willow's. "But you don't have to, you know. Even if you don't have Oz, wouldn't it be worth it to try with Xander?"

"I don't have to try. I know Xander better than he knows himself. And he's not interested. What good is the woman you *can* have?"

"Do you really believe that's why all this stuff has happened between you? Because, for once in his life, he couldn't have you? From what you told me about the kisses you guys shared, they didn't have anything to do with anyone other than you. They weren't about Cordy or Oz. They were about Xander opening his eyes for the first time in his life."

"I wish I could believe that. I want to believe that." Willow sank down on the front step of the mansion. "But I can't let myself." She looked up at her friend, sadness radiating off her. "I can't let him hurt me again, Buffy. I just couldn't take it."

Buffy looked at the door behind Willow, wondering if she was doing the right thing. "I know it's hard for you, Wills." She looked down at her friend. "Could you wait here for a second? I forgot something. I'll run to the library and be right back. You can go in and wait. Angel should be there."

She shrugged. "Sure."

Buffy jogged off and Willow let herself into the mansion. There was very little light except for the wavy glow of candles in the main room. She started forward.

"Angel? It's Willow. Buffy will be back in a second. She forgot something at…the…" she turned the corner and stared in shock. The room was alight with candles and firelight. Soft music was playing in the background and there was dinner set for two on the low table in front of the couches. "Oh. Um. You're not expecting me to be with Buffy. I understand that. You want me to go. I'll go." She started to back out, stopping only when she ran into someone solid.

She jumped and spun around. "I'm sorry Angel…Xander?"

"In the flesh."

"Why aren't you Angel? Since he lives here and you don't and why are you here and I'm going to kill Buffy."

"It isn't her fault. I convinced her that I needed to see you alone, where no one would think to look for us." He looked at her, hope in his eyes. "Can we talk, Willow? Or do we just write this whole thing off?"

She sighed. "Do we have anything different to say, Xander?"

"Please?"

She turned around and let him guide her to the table. The table was set with flowers and dishes, beautifully laid out. Xander helped her sit before sitting across from her. He grabbed the top of the dish cover, giving her an impish smile as he pulled it off.

"Spaghettios?"

"I can't cook. You know that."

Willow laughed. "Yeah, I guess I do." She spooned some of the O's onto her plate and handed him the server. "Let's see, Spaghettios with Xander. There's got to be crackers and Twinkies around here somewhere."

He blushed furiously. "It's not fair that you know me so well."

"I know you too well."

He looked up at her. "No. I don't believe that." He moved around to sit next to her. "You keep saying that we know too much, we care too much, there's too much between us, but I don't believe it. I think that you're scared and you don't want to face what we have."

"Of course I'm scared!" She snapped. "I do know you, Xander and I know that you change your mind as often as you change your shirt. You're a slave to your hormones. You lust after anything in a skirt and you don't care about who you hurt in the process."

"That's not true. It killed me when Cordelia and Oz found us together. I felt like I had thrust that stupid pole into her chest. And do you really think I wanted to hurt you all those times?"

"That's the only explanation I can come up with, Xander. You spent years of your life hurting me. And now that you think you've come to your senses you expect me to be so grateful that I fall into your arms over some Spaghettios?"

"I don't expect you to fall into my arms." He faced her, his own anger building. "I just wanted to spend some time with you and talk. I wanted to see if we could straighten out the mess our friendship has become and decide where we go from here." He got up, not caring if she followed him. "But I forgot to take into account that you know me so well, you can see past my motives into my mind."

"I'm sorry. But you have to admit that the setting is more like a seduction than a discussion." She got to her feet and moved to his side. She touched his shoulder tentatively. "I'm sorry."

He moved away and sat in front of the fire. "What happened this weekend, Will?"

"We've discussed this. It was just the situation carrying us away. It's over. It's done with."

"Did you tell Oz?"

She sank down next to him. "Yeah. We broke up." She sighed. "Which…I'm not happy about, but I think it's probably the best thing right now."

"Why?"

"Why is it the best thing or why did I do it?"

"Both."

She took his hand in hers. "I can't be the girlfriend he deserves."

Xander's heart tightened in his chest. "Why's that?"

She looked at him, her anger melting away in the heat of his eyes. "You know why, Xander."

"You love me?"

She didn't answer, just smiled.

"You don't have to answer. I know the answer. What happened wouldn't have happened if you didn't love me." He sighed. "I wish I'd had the strength you have. I wish I'd waited for you. I wish I'd done so many things differently. I wish I'd seen…"

"Stop. It's too late."

"It's not." He shook his head. "Willow, that's what this night is about. I don't want to think about the past, I want to think about the future. Sure, we had to step out of our everyday routine for me to see you. You had to wear that dress or that leather, but now that I've seen…my eyes are still open."

She stared into the deep brown of them. "For how long, Xander?"

"As long as you'll have me? This," he waved his arm around to encompass the whole room. "This was about giving you the first time you deserve. This is about giving you whatever it takes to get you to love me."

"I've always loved you, Xander."

"Prove it?"

***

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither willing to make the first move. Finally, Willow raised her hand to his mouth. "You know, sometimes when you're falling to pieces, you're mouth, it does the sweetest thing." She smiled.

"Does it?"

"Yeah." She touched his bottom lip, rubbing it with her thumb. "And when it does, all I can think of is how much I want to kiss you."

"Do you?"

She nodded and moved in closer to him. He pushed her bangs back with gentle fingers. Green eyes met brown, the heat of their gaze filling the room. "Xander?"

"Yes, Willow?"

She licked his bottom lip then quickly pulled away. "I did the seducing last time. It's your turn."

He nodded and brushed his lips against hers. The light pressure brought a soft sigh from her, and he slipped his hand into her fiery hair. It was warm from the heat of the fire, but it was nothing like the heat of their kiss as his tongue moved past her lips into the dark cavern of her mouth.

Willow caressed the hollow of his throat with her thumb, giving herself over to his kiss. His tongue teased hers, tangling with it. The tip tickled the roof of her mouth before moving back to trace the outline of her lips. Her tongue followed his, aching for the contact.

He pulled back, surprised at the quickness of his breath. Her chest was rising and falling as quickly as his. "I know it might be rushing things, but I don't want to do this down here where anyone could walk in at any moment. I have a room upstairs that Angel said no one has used. I'd like to take you there. If you want me to?"

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

He stroked her cheek. "I do love you, Willow. And it has nothing to do with hormones." He laughed at her disbelieving look. "Okay, maybe a little to do with hormones."

***  
The room was filled with candles, as the downstairs had been. "Did you do all this yourself, Xander?"

"Yeah. Well, Buffy gave me some hints about what you might like."

"What did she say?"

He blushed. "I don't…its not exactly romantic."

"What?" She tugged on his sleeve. "Tell me."

"She said not to talk about anybody else. Especially not Oz, Faith or Cordelia." He shrugged. "I'm not doing so well at that so far, hmmm?"

"Well, how about this? Any time you mention any of them, I'll kiss you to shut you up." She smiled up at him.

He laughed. "How about you just kiss me and we'll avoid me putting my foot in my mouth?" Leading her over to the bed, he sat on the edge, pulling her down next to him. "Since I can think of much better things to put there."

Willow felt a shiver go down her spine. "Such as?"

Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he maneuvered her back onto the covers. "Let me show you?" He moved his arm from under her neck and lifted himself up on his elbow. Reaching out his hand, he ran his fingers lightly over the thin material of her sweater. He could feel her body responding, even though he wasn't touching her skin.

Willow trembled beneath him, her body arching upwards to meet his hand. Xander relented, lowering his palm to cover the soft swell of her breast. Her hardened nipple pressed against it, teasing him with the soft pressure. He massaged the flesh gently, lowering his head to capture her lips in a warm kiss.

Her mouth opened to admit his tongue, sucking on it. Her hands slipped around his waist, pulling him closer. Xander let his hand roam down her sweater until it found the bottom of it. Slipping under the fabric, he smoothed it across the warm skin of her stomach before it covered the delicate lace of her bra.

He met her eyes and smiled at her. She smiled in return. "Wills? I want you to know that our night together meant the world to me, but…"

"But what?" She tensed under his hand.

"But I want to pretend, for a little while, that it didn't happen. I told you downstairs that I want this to be the first time you deserve. And I do. But do you think we could pretend it's my first time too? Because as much as it doesn't seem that way, I wanted you to be my first."

She nodded, sending the tears that had been standing in her eyes cascading down her cheeks. She touched the corner of his eye, capturing his tear before it fell. "I think I can manage that."

They stared at one another for a long moment; both lost in long ago memories of their life together. Finally, Willow touched the top button of his shirt.

***  
Xander moved her hands and pulled away from her. Not bothering to unbutton the shirt, he slipped it over his head. Willow giggled softly, struggling to get out of her sweater. He helped guide it off of her, tossing it over the side of the bed. She moved to unhook her bra, but his hand stopped her. "Slowly. We've got all night."

She nodded, biting her lower lip. He smoothed his hand over her stomach, first his palm then just the tips of her fingers. Goosebumps rose on her arms at his gentle touch and she shivered. She undid the front clasp of the bra and peeled the sides of the material apart. "Touch me, Xander? Please?"

He bent his head, catching the rose colored tip in his mouth. She lifted herself to him, the warm, creamy flesh of her breast crushing against his lips as he suckled the hard nipple. She whimpered beneath him as his hands slid under her back and held her tightly to his exploring mouth.

He pulled away slowly, giving the crinkled flesh a soft, lazy lick with his tongue, the metal bar cool enough to send another shiver down her spine. He kept her in the almost sitting position and slid the bra off of her. He lowered his hand to the waistband of her skirt, his eyes seeking out her approval. "Willow?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"I want so much to make love to you tonight." Tears glistened in his eyes. "But I need to know one thing before this goes any further."

She pulled away from him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "What's that?"

"I love you." He stared at his hands, his heart pounding in his chest. "And I know you love me. But…but I can't do this if this is it. I can't…I won't be able to walk away after this, Wills. So I need to know that in the morning or in the afterglow, you're not going to…" He cleared his throat nervously. "I need to know you're not going to act like me. Because if you did, it would kill me."

She fought the smile that was forming on her face as well as the tears that threatened to fall. "Xander," the tears won and her chin trembled with emotion. "I've never been able to walk away."

"I've never been good at emotions, you know that." His brown eyes met hers and everything he felt was there in the chocolate brown depths. "But I'm gonna try here. We love each other, even in another dimension, if that vampire you can be trusted. We're destiny Willow, like Buffy is the Slayer. I hope you feel the same, but if you don't, I need you to leave now."

His heart shattered into a million pieces as she stood. She moved until she was right in front of him and he found he couldn't look up to meet her eyes. He didn't want to see her pity. He didn't want to see anything if he couldn't see her love.

"Xander?"

He looked up from the floor, staring at her waist. "Yeah?"

Her fingers guided the material over her hips and down to the floor. She followed it down, kneeling in front of him, completely naked. "I told you, I can't ever walk away."

His lips trembled as they met hers, the wealth of emotion between them like an elixir. He lifted her up and gently tossed her onto the bed. He scrambled out of his jeans and stretched out beside her. Xander ran his hand up her leg, stopping at the soft mound of dark red curls between her thighs. His thumb stroked them, rubbing the silkiness against her.

Willow pulled him down into a kiss, one hand tangling in his hair while the other stroked the smooth, strong line of his back. She deepened it, slipping her tongue in his mouth, playing with the metal bar. He smiled against her lips and she pulled back. "I didn't realize when you got that it was a new toy for me to play with."

"Neither did I. But I suppose, it's only fair."

She closed her eyes as she thrust her hips gently up toward his hand. As much as she loved the heavy weight of his hand, she wished he would lower it just a bit. "Why's that?"

He moved his hand; the tip of his finger brushing her clitoris as she eagerly spread her legs. "Since I've got a new toy, too."

Her soft giggle turned into a moan as he applied firm pressure to the hard nub, teasing her with his fingers. Willow struggled to breathe as he played with her, her body opening up to his questing hands. He replaced his fingers with the ball of his thumb, rubbing soft circles over the throbbing bud. His fingers ventured lower, sliding inside her wetness.

He closed his eyes as her body surrounded his fingers. The heat and wetness seemed to clutch greedily at him, drawing them deeper inside her. Xander bent his head, sucking on her nipple as his hand slid slowly in and out of her slick passage. Willow let out a soft cry as he tasted her, her hands wrapping around him, her hips bucking up to meet his hand.

Changing his course, Xander released her nipple and began kissing his way up to her neck. She shivered as the cool air hit the trail of kisses he left behind, her nipples hardening even further. He breathed softly against her ear, nibbling the lobe. The soft nip of his teeth was more than she could stand. She arched off the bed, her muscles constricting tightly around his hand as her climax overcame her.

Xander's thumb continued to play with her clitoris, until her whole body shook with tremors. He looked down at her, smiling at the satisfied look on her face. "You okay?"

"More than." She nodded.

He withdrew his hand, lifting it to his lips to lick the taste of her off his fingers. She watched him, enraptured. "You taste like heaven, Wills."

"Better than Twinkies?"

He laughed and pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, insinuating himself between her legs. "Well, you have some advantages."

"Oh?" She thrust forward, feeling his erection sliding along the wet opening of her sex. "Like what?"

Letting her lay back on the bed, Xander slipped between her legs. He stopped for a moment, reaching for his jeans. Willow watched him with curious eyes until he produced a small silver packet from his pocket. "You're softer, but not as golden."

"And my center?"

He slipped the condom on and slid inside her, a harsh cry of relief escaping his lips as she surrounded him. "Well, I've never been inside a Twinkie, but I'm guessing you win there."

She arched up, forcing him deeper inside her. "You're guessing?"

He groaned and began moving his hips in long, deep thrusts. "Knowing. I'm knowing." He lowered himself to his elbows and stroked her hair back from her face. "I love you, Willow."

"I'm knowing too, Xander."

She wrapped her hand around his neck, bringing him closer for a kiss. She nibbled on his lower lip before pulling it between hers and sucking on it. He shivered, his thrusts increasing until he felt the sharp tightening of his muscles. "My…my Willow."

Willow felt the heat of his climax and smiled up at him. His eyes were closed and his lips pursed together. When he had himself back under control, he looked down at her. Shaking his head, he kept thrusting deeply until her smile wavered and another orgasm overtook her.

He pulled away when her breathing returned to normal and quickly disposed of the condom. Rolling onto his side, he gazed down at her, the look in his eyes reminiscent of the adoring gazes she'd given him all his life. "I meant it you know."

"What?" She gazed up at him; sure that she finally had her heart's desire.

"You're my Willow."

"Xander, I always have been."


End file.
